Marital Advice

Photos were taken by SG on his dove hunt last weekend and are irrelevant to the content of this post except for the fact that they are pictures of men.


Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller

We posted that quote on our refrigerator the first year we were married. And ya know, we rarely fought that year. But as the years have gone on we've had our share of arguments. I'm not talking about knock down drag out fights (though there have been a handful of those), but more of the typical and predictable disagreements that married people have simply because men and women are different and people are only human.

Fortunately Stephen Grande is as sensitive and kind as they come. Really, he is. But he's not a mind reader.

And over the course of being married for 4.5 years, I've learned that best thing for him (and me) is to: BE DIRECT... to not have expectations and expect him to perceive what those expectations are, but rather TELL HIM what I'm thinking. Not in a militant sort of way, but in a gentle, yet very straight forward sort of way. I know it sounds SO SIMPLE, but really its easier said than done.

Here's an example: "I'm growing resentful that you have not taken me out to dinner in a while. I just want to get out of the house and be with you."

(Usually, this is followed up by a timely date planned by him, babysitter arranged and all.)

Another example: "If you consider getting another dog right now, I'm leaving."

(Okay, that's sort of a joke. Remember Kathy.)

I'm not saying that I get whatever I want just because I tell him directly. However, I've found it simply to be a much better way to communicate and most always results in a better response than nagging or crying for "no reason" (and then being angry because he should know why I'm crying).

So that's my marital advice : BE DIRECT. Don't let your frustrations build and then explode on your man for not taking out the trash when really all you wanted was to go out to dinner.

The end.


Whitney Lee said...


Lynn Beck said...

Your are "wise beyond your years."

Have a great weekend.

Christian @ Modobject at Home said...

Sage words, to be sure. If only I had remembered these truths last night... I would've saved myself a lot of grief. Instead, I let a whole quarter-and-a-half of the football game happen before I spoke to my football loving husband and told him I needed help juggling the baby and the second-grader with too much homework.

Nell said...

You have always been my wisest friend. Keep the wisdom coming!

Whitney Lee said...

Comment 2: Andrew told me that his friend said, "If you're gonna fight, fight naked."

Emily Dudley said...

Such true words. It reminds me of the Proverb, "A gentle answer turns away wrath..."

And, Whitney, GREAT idea!

Anonymous said...

I seldom leave comments on blogs, but the ideas really rocks, also I have a few questions like to ask, what's your contact details?


Anonymous said...

Simple and wise. Great post!

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